Something I've noticed this recently is that I've found myself becoming "complacent" in my beliefs. I've thought a lot lately about late 2014, when I was ZEALOUS about God. Openly denouncing flaws in Catholicism, writing extremely bold lyrics, writing posts directed to the secular scene, etc.
At first, I reverted to a
thought pattern I'm often guilty of - trying to capture the emotions /
feelings / "essence" of that time period (the music I listened to, the
things that I did, the places I went), instead of trying to understand
the meaning behind them. It's a very misguided thought process
that I used a lot back in the old days. But I finally caught myself, and
thought about it again. I think the actual reason I was so zealous back
then was because the contrast between good and evil was more obvious to
me, since I was just leaving the occult stuff. I was even having
nightmares about it: listening to evil music and finding a dead demon
hanging in a doorway; the devil trying to break down my bedroom door in
the middle of this rather terrifying storm; etc. Contrast those
nightmares with all the research I was doing on [Christian] theology,
along with my regular reading of the gospels and Revelation.
over the past year or so, I feel like I've become too complacent in the
comfort I feel now that I'm no longer being directly plagued by demonic
forces. Nowadays, each day sort of just becomes another "day", where
I'm not being directly threatened by anything. Also, I feel like I've
forgotten just how bad the evil made me feel, and how great
it was to be free of it. But I've become accustomed to this way of life
now, and I feel like I've just lost a lot of understanding because of
it. Back in 2014, even though I knew snippets of the gospels, sitting
down and reading them for myself was new to me. It was so powerful and,
ultimately, quite wonderful to read the words of Jesus (written in red!)
and to not only learn things, but to be convicted by things He was
saying that I disagreed with at the time, and had trouble accepting. It
was great to ask God for understanding, and that God taught me how those
teachings actually made sense and were correct. But nowadays? That
sense of wonder is largely gone; I'm used to the Bible being in my life
now. I'm used to reading it frequently. It doesn't mean as much to me as it once did.
what should we conclude here? That we need a "sense of wonder" to be
good Christians? No, not at all. It's not the "sense of wonder" itself,
it's the meaning behind it: that I had a fuller appreciation for
God and for His word, and the complacency I've felt lately has hindered
that. I don't feel as strong of a need to repent from anything; I don't
have as much incentive to run to God, because there isn't as much
that I need to run from. But that's not how our faith journey actually
works. It's a constant battle. We may be safer in God's word, but by
allowing ourselves to become complacent in it, we're still putting
ourselves in danger. The devil and his demons may not be able to harm us
directly after we accept Christ, but they can still tempt us and
mislead us. We need to constantly be aware of this. We need to always
acknowledge the significance of what God does for us - that He gave us
His word in the Bible, that He sent Jesus to pay for our sins, that He
will let us live in His kingdom for eternity where every tear will be wiped from our eyes... This is very powerful stuff!
reason I'm bringing this up in a blog post is because I want this to
reach other people who feel this way. I'm hoping that by posting this, I
can bring their complacency to their attention as well, and
hopefully/prayerfully give them some incentive to talk to God, and to
get their lives back on track. I've hated this complacency, whether I
was aware of it or not, and I look forward to leaving it behind and
getting back to what God wants from me. Even though, just like my journey was in
2014, this will probably be a struggle.
But it'll totally be worth it.
And it'll be so much better than the alternative.
May God bless and guide you all, according to His perfect will! In Jesus' name. Amen.